kccf retreat - Basic Training: Blood, Sweat and Tears

so i can't sleep. talking to friends has kept me up... this hasn't happened since my first year. i used to stay up for endless hours talking online to friends. and tonight is one of the first times i've done it since then. regardless, i can't blog quite about those things yet. i think i'm blogging b/c i'm sick of seeing my last post b/c now, i feel as though i've overcome the novelty of it all. i KNOW how much my God loves me and now, i just feel so good...

i wanted to write about kccf retreat. my last here at Queen's. but really, i'm not to sad about that. what i'm sad about is my fellowship... that shall come in a later post.

we had dominic russo from Embassy in Waterloo come over and share with us. although it took a lot of adjusting to for me to identify with him b/c i'm so traditional... (like i rarely ever hear a sermon with jokes in it... except for at KCAC worship until andy)... i finally picked up on God's msg to me.

i think this year, Retreat has been dubbed cliquey.. but the more i think about it... Retreat is really about God and finding God's heart and msg for you. don't get me wrong, i loved my small group (HI VIV, SAMMI H., JENNY, ALICIA, MELISSA!) but i think i love it more when i know that they are growing more in tune with God's msg for them.

God basically reiterated and affirmed to me everything that I've been learning this year in 2006. if you've been keeping up with the things going on in my life, you'll know that God has stripped me bare.... naked to the bone. and i've been learning to let God put the clothes back on me...

this year, i took a year off from serving by the end of last year, i forgot the reason why i served. the only reason why i should serve. it should be out of my love for God... but i got caught up with obligations and responsibilities and forgot about God. but this year, i explored what it means to love God and God has blessed me with more opportunities to serve Him. honestly, i think it's one of the best decisions i've ever made in my life because really, i have been rejuvenated in my love for Him which makes serving Him even better. i've also been learning to hear God's voice speak in the gentle whisper, like how God talks to Elijah (I Kings 19:2), which we learned about in Bible Study. and that we need to understand the tears of the Father. i've been learning that since January. i thought i was unloved and abandoned and that there was no one else. as stated in my last blog, you'll see there there was ONE last resort. and that has been an encouragement that was reiterated at Retreat. God has really put peace in my heart!

i was talking to Joanie online about what i learned this year. i told her all the things that were on my heart this year... she said: "i never knew you were having such a hard time this year..."
and then it hit me. i'm not having a hard time. lessons were not meant to be easy, but they can be learned. thus, i replied: "i'm not having a hard time. it's actually quite soft. it is only when you're soft that you can be moulded by God." :) PRAISE GOD!

i'm scattered b/c i'm so tired. i hope this can make sense to you too... oh man. Good night!