stressed...

okay, so here it is... day one of exams (for me...) i've had it easy this term and yet, my life seems so blank. i've been having a few stress attacks lately... i blame it on PMS... but honestly, here's my schedule for finals this term:

april 21 (thurs) - 30% environment studies night exam, 3 essays
april 22 (fri) - 15% psychology stats project due
april 23 (sat) - 45% intro to western music history, M.C., T/F, fill in blanks, 1 of 5 pre-given essay questions
sometime next week, i have to hand in my 100% journal for my psyc of reading course...

these past two weeks, i have been working hard... i read all my course texts last week AND TOOK NOTES ON THEM ALL and then gone through each course at least once, but then why is it my 15% paper stresses me out the most? 1) i hate stats, 2) i have the lowest mark in it, 3) this project should be worth more than 15% but thank God it isn't...

so far, i am handing in the project late... 2% for the whole weekend... but i think i need it to keep some sanity. so, next few days schedule:
1) cram for environment studies all day and regurgitate at night
2) friday morning, go to reading school to take pictures of the work the kids did while i was there 3) friday lunch with judy, it's her birthday!
4) friday night, committee meeting, casual bible study, meeting up with my other group member who's handing in project late
5) fit in working on project as much as possible
6) cram for music all day saturday and regurgitate at night
7) sunday, church & sunday school... teaching on my own...
8) touch up the project MUST FINISH sunday
9) cell group dinner
10) work on journals all week next week - must hand in by April 29 (fri)
11) visit Kaleidoscope kid on Monday because Wednesday i won't be able to make it...
11) go back to T.O. for a mid-week interview and rush back to Kingston...
12) DONE.

God is the one who sustains me. Amen.

what did i say? exams = bloggin'

so, this is what i've wanted to share for a while but never had the chance to b/c it wasn't exams. haha... this was a lesson or an epiphany that i've been learning for a while since reading week: i've come to the realization that in my Christian walk with God, i've been struggling to put God first in my life... it's not quite because of school or relationships, but rather because i've lost focus of the God i serve.

last night, during my Cell Group devos/Bible study, we looked at the passage in Luke 10:38-42 about Martha and Mary when they invited Jesus into their home. for me, I've been feeling like Martha for a while... and I came across this realization on February 11th, 2005. In the afternoon of that particular Friday in February, I was sitting in a room with three others having a Nomination Committee meeting. In that meeting, we were going through a list of people that were nominated by members of the fellowship. However, when my name came up... I said that I didn't want to serve by being nominated for a position next year. I had been thinking what I would say for a while... would I want to serve? Didn't I know that the position I'm serving in now usually leads to a position higher up? Yes, but despite that... I really didn't want to serve. The reason behind that: I was becoming like Martha - too busy to realize that all I need to do is spend time with Him. One thing that was brought up yesterday was that Jesus never rebuked Martha for doing things but rather that she was distracted by all the preparations (v.39) and was also worried and upset (v.41). I realized that although I wasn't necessarily worried and upset, I was definitely distracted. Luckily for me, that particular Friday was also the Friday that my fellowship was leaving for Retreat. The theme for Retreat was Passion for God. (As I mentioned in an earlier post, it was reinforced at retreat that my passion for God had somehow become a passion for serving and being busy for God. It was as though I forgot what it meant to be passionate for God, and God alone.) Once again, these ideas were reinforced last night at the Bible Study... God never told us not to be involved in service, but not to be distracted away from God when we are engaged in those things. For the past week, I've really been praying for God to show me where it is He wants me to serve next year. I know that Passion for God usually stems into serving God and although I am going to work on building that passion for Him, I really want to explore new ways in serving Him... I just didn't want HUGE responsibilities anymore. I still don't know where it is but I'm excited to see the new opportunities in which I can serve God and support the ministries that other brothers and sisters are involved in. YAY!

Now back to reading journal articles!

exams = time to blog

so, time flies doesn't it? it's now the end of THIRD year. for some reason, this year has passed by so quickly and so slowly that i don't even know that it's passed. i know that sentence doesn't make sense but it's really how i feel. it's like, i only realized on friday that it was the end of the year and that the 05s are graduating.

grad night - april 8, 2005
so, it hit me... during the night when people were sharing, i was sitting there and crying... first, i felt bad because i wish these people had wrote Overcomer articles (it's the bi-annual publication that KCCF produces.. and this year, it was my job to get it out) so that we could capture their thoughts forever... BUT more so, it hit me because i realized that this was the year that came in before i did. everything that was novel when i got to Queen's was really helped out by these people in the year above me... and now they're leaving. i can't imagine KCCF without this year... people like Colin, Rickie, Jon Wat who are finally leaving... i can't imagine KCCF without them... these were people who were here when i came and i've been to 3 Grad Nights at CCF now, but it's finally hit me that it's getting close to the end :( i know that times like this will come... it's hard, but it will be like that next year... when the last of things familiar with Queen's and CCF will be gone... BUT THAT DOESN'T ME I DON'T CARE ABOUT FROSHIES! :)

weekend of visitors
it was quiet this weekend... emily came up friday (surprise, aaron!) but it was little time spent with her... b/c my mommy came up too AND my mom and i went to a "defend the definition of marriage" rally in Ottawa on saturday so i didn't see her. i also didn't see my housemates leave... but it was quite the restful weekend... quite productive and quite free. i love being here nearly by myself... thank goodness Elim and Judy were still here too or i'd be TOO freaked out. it was good to have mommy here too... i was worried about her being back in toronto home alone. she's not been doing too well... pray for her! shmanks...

exams start for me... april 21st. :(

until then, i hope someone reads this...